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Flowers and Crowns

STUDY ABROAD

2019.07.19

Life will never leave only the fragrance and softness of flowers, and there will be heavy weight.

—— Huang Shi En

Original Author | Huang Shi En
Photo | Zhou Yi Kang
WeChat Article Layout | Zhou Yi Kang
Was originally published in The Voice of Beijing, Issue 1, 2019

This web article is the English translation of the original article.
Click here to read the original WeChat article.

Web Article Layout | Wong Xiangyu

This is the 160th day when I came to Beijing, and I just finished the first mock debate of this semester.

 

This is really a terrible argument. Just two hours ago, when the affirmative was starting their argument, I thought “this argument should be easy to disassemble”. Two hours later, faced with drafts full of unspoken rebuttals, I was full of chagrin.

 

This is a bit like me 160 days ago, full of longing for Beijing and Peking University.

 

These 160 days are quite amazing. I have met many lovely people and experienced some trivial things. I have taken countless classes and written eight papers that are not good enough. I took the mid-term and final exams and played a few mock debates. . They carry my emotions, like sunshine and soil that nourish me, and enrich my spiritual garden.

 

When I first arrived in Beijing, it was around 1 in the morning. From taking a taxi to the dormitory, to registering and checking in, I cleaned my room and lay on the bed. It was the first time in 18 years that I was so far away from home, but the mood at that time was more of excitement and anticipation, almost overshadowing the feeling of homesickness. With this feeling, I started my life in Beijing.

 

The days before school started were relaxed and pleasant. A group of 18 or 9-year-old teenagers gathered to chat and play games. At this time, there was no pressure for class exams and grade points for thesis. We could still stay up late and play unscrupulously. Performed singing “童年” late at night. Of course, after the school officially starts, they will be presumptuous from time to time, occasionally chatting in the middle of the night, hurrying to have a meal together after class. I didn’t think that people can get close easily, but it’s this group of people, in less than a month, we went from strangers who didn’t know each other to partners who lived together.

 

Life after the school started was busier than ever. Classes, debates, performances and rehearsals at international cultural festivals were all on the schedule. For the first time, I truly felt that 24 hours were not enough. I often ride an electric bike back to my dormitory at 12 o’clock in the morning when the preparations are over. I haven’t seen Los Angeles in the early morning, but I have seen Beijing in the early morning. It is also an alternative experience-the deserted campus is as quiet as time. It’s still. During this period, life is busy and compact, but it has also been rewarded. I regained my enthusiasm for debate. I know more teammates who love debate, and I know that I will not be alone in the future.

I'm just a gardener with nothing in my hands, they give this land sunshine and flowers

Suddenly I have close friends in the original peaceful life, and the enthusiasm that I gave up was regained. It’s like the empty soil is planted with seeds. I’m just a gardener with nothing in my hands, they gave this land sunshine and flowers.

 

However, life will never leave only the fragrance and softness of flowers, and there will be heavy weight. I remembered that when I was preparing for the third year of high school, I seemed to have written sentences like “Farewell to the past, so that I can crown myself in the future.” Now I don’t even know whether the heavy power is a boulder or a crown. The pressure of debating the essay exams in class only made me feel like I was overwhelmed by the boulder. Maybe I’m not the only one who said that, right? “I would rather take the unified exam than the end of the semester” is such a magical idea that runs through the entire final season in my mind. This kind of pressure stems from the excellence of the people around me, and my own deficiencies. What I am facing is an exam with a completely different education system. The feeling of complete lack of bottom makes the whole person more depressed. The words and sentences written in the third year of high school seem to be a bit naive at this time. The future at that time and the present self were still looking at the so-called crown.

I don’t even know whether that heavy power is a boulder or a crown

This is probably the reason why I am inexplicably confused and anxious at this moment, struggling hard in my shortcomings. Sometimes I don’t know whether this is a mantis trying to stop a chariot r or a great power crushes the weak. When the so-called ideal and reality really contradict, confusion arises accordingly, like a flower suddenly losing its flavor, like a crown suddenly shattering, I stand at a crossroads, I don’t know where to go, but I have to keep going.

 

These 160 days are a process of re-recognizing and facing oneself. This process contains a lot of happiness and a lot of pressure. If this is the price of growth, then I am willing to pay for it. But on the way to growing up, I still remember the words of the senior high school class teacher, “watch more, experience more, and be compassionate.”

 

The beauty of the flowers lies in the process of watering, and the brilliance of the crown lies in the weight of the creation. Although I don’t know when I will no longer be confused, it is always right to keep going. Just like what the teacher said, observe the people and things around you more, appreciate the weight of life, and pity the world’s sorrows and joys. The seeds you sown will eventually bloom fragrant flowers, and one day they will be crowned by the crown of life. Although that day is probably still far away, from the moment I came to Beijing, the progress bar of life began to move, and one day it will come to an end, right?

Huang Shi En

An undergraduate student in the Department of Chinese Language and Literature of Peking University in 2018. From Klang, Selangor, Malaysia. Like to write articles, like to read novels, like to be alone, a person who is a bit confused now, but is still moving forward.

Editorial Board of The Voice of Beijing, 1st Issue, 2019

Edited and published by | AMSIB

Coordinator | Li Wei Ai, Vivian, Huang Xiao Qing

Producer | Li Jun Jin

Secretary | Wen Shi Yun, Wang Xuan Ming

Leader of the Interview Team | Cao Yi Wen, Yvonne

Reporter | Feng Qi Yang, Dong Jia Ren, Huang Jing Yi, He Jing Ling, Zhong Yi Wen, Liu Wei Yu, Huang Shi Xuan

Editor | Luo You Rong

Writer | Zhong Yi Wen, Chen Qian Jing, Zhou Yi Kang, Huang Jin Tai, Huang Mei Qi, Nur Aiin Binti Muhammad Azhar

Art Director | Yang Wen Fei

Art Editor| Chen Pei Xin, Xu Yi Ting, Yang Qian Hui, Zhou Yi Kang, Huang Mei Xuan, Huang Jin Tai

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