Nineteen

Study Abroad

2021.12.15

Words | Loh Min Hui
Layout by | Sherlyn Chin Meijiun
Photo | Internet
Translator | Chan Zi Qing

18 was eagerly anticipated, yet it did not live up to expectations. 19 turned out more complicated and depressing than everyone had hoped, yet a sliver of daily life seemed to twinkle in the corner of my eye.

“This is an ordinary story, so ordinary that it glimmers in my memories.”

A hard-earned graduation ceremony ended alongside dimmed lights, and like that, my high school life came to an abrupt end. Unaccomplished things morphed into regrets, and now forever lingers in this particular point of time. The year I turned 19, the grandest departure from youth commenced, and all the stories up till then converged into those last group photos in a phone. Later on, relationships that were assuredly proclaimed to be eternal inevitably started to fade with the passage of time. The past, simply by deleting photos on a phone, turned from two intersecting lines into parallels forever. How to face goodbyes – that was the first lesson of the year.
Some people leave to make space for new encounters. Getting to know a stranger is a long process. We didn’t manage to participate in each other’s past, so a common experience can only be forged bit by bit. Every attempt at getting to know someone is nothing less than a foolhardy bet, both of your time is put at stake, but the anticipated reward is someone to walk with you in the coming years of life. One person’s sincerity calls out to another’s, by extreme luck, I won the bet. He was the most unforeseen surprise of my gap year. “We met too late”, so countless lyrics sing, diminishing the heart-throbbing essence of those words. But it turns out that someone like that really exists, someone that makes you regret the time before you met, but makes you feel as if you’ve spent ages together nevertheless. The second lesson of my gap year is such — learning to cherish. The days ahead are numerous, and if there’s a chance we could walk a long, long way together, let’s never be separated.
About the future, this year the dream I held firmly at 18 has also become a reality. It is as if my 19-year-old self is patting 18-year-old me gently on the head, telling her, “Don’t worry, everything you’ve done was worth it.” I ended high school with a stellar report card, and started university with a coveted admission letter. Those glowing dreams I had at 18 expanded into a sunny avenue at 19. As I walked down the path, I saw myself disoriented, fearing my actual capabilities would prove shy of my expectations; I saw myself lost, pacing back and forth, unsure where this road would lead. Later, I saw that 18-year-old me, and she told me how persistent and passionate I had once been. Turns out, the sunshine on the journey here, all of it is real.
October beckons, after all events. I am still on my way.

Loh Min Hui

Undergraduate student from Tsinghua University

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Editorial Board of The Voice of Beijing, 2021

Edited and published by | AMSIB

Advisor | Phuah Chi Ching, Choong Chi Jiong, Lim Yu

Coordinator | Sherlyn Chin Meijiun

Chief Editor | Ng Sie Unn, Koo Jing Tang

Journalist | Jaslyn Tan Boon Bin, Aden Tan Shen Yeh, Ho Ching Ling, Hoo Zi Ning, Ng Zi Wei, Kua Yee Shuen, Lee Jia Rong, Lim Qin Xuan, Song Yee Ting, Gan Jing Wen

Photographer | Sharyl Chow Khye Shien, Chew Chen Yee

Film Editor | Neoh Ke Wei, Ong Xiang Ying, Song Yee Ting

Art Editor | Ong Xiang Ying, Tiu Ann Kei

Translator | Chan Zi Qing, Tiu Ann Kei

Host | Aden Tan Shen Yeh, Kua Yee Shuen

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